


I Was Never Even There

by rvziel



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-11
Updated: 2013-11-11
Packaged: 2018-01-01 03:53:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1040033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rvziel/pseuds/rvziel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Face between thighs, lacing fingers with mine, his head in the crook of my neck, it was all wrong. I hated how he acted around me, falling hopelessly in love with his superior captain and watching from a distance. He’s falling hard, he’s falling so fucking hard and I cannot stand it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Was Never Even There

I hate this hero worship.

Face between thighs, lacing fingers with mine, his head in the crook of my neck, it was all wrong. I hated how he acted around me, falling hopelessly in love with his superior captain and watching from a distance. He’s falling hard, he’s falling so fucking hard and I cannot stand it.

And I’m leading the poor brat on.

Letting him lace fingers with mine, letting him straddle my waist, letting his mouth on mine to move it in the silence of the night. All I can do is pretend; to pretend when I squeeze his hand, pretend when I whisper that everything will be alright, to pretend when his mouth moves against mine that I have been waiting ten thousand years for this. I cannot stand when he smiles at me after doing something right, and I praise him with a small kiss on his forehead. I cannot pretend as though when his teal eyes stare into my cold gray ones, ones that have the intent of murder to take back what’s rightfully humanity’s, that all he can see is warmth and love.

I cannot let Eren fall hopelessly in love, while I stand by and watch him never land.

As I take a cigarette in my mouth, bringing in a drag and letting him shotgun smoke, a few vapors sliding between us into the air, the guilt begs to eat me alive. It begs to claw its way from my soul, from my throat and tumble in a waterfall of words. It begs to rip its way into his head, too, I can tell. The lingering thoughts of _‘Does Levi really love me at all?’_ is a question I can see behind those vapors that finally leave his mouth, as we sit in the tree and watch the stars out in the dark sky. The unspoken yet heavy burden between the two of us in this fling, the unspoken sin of humans as we cradle each other in the night, is unrequited love.

Eren gives me a look, a deep look that can only be described as need. He looks straight into my eyes, and I glance away as a shadow begs to be casted on to my features. I can hear him whisper something—something of pure significance that I cannot bear to listen to. He is unworthy, unworthy of the way I have lead him on, unworthy of the love I do not harbor. I see Eren as my colleague, a friend who I’ve just grown close to, someone to turn to when I need a good fuck.

“Levi.”

I can feel the stare; I can feel him trying to decipher my expression.

“Yes?”

Don’t say it.

“I think I’ve fallen in love with you.”

His hand interlaces mine, thumb rubbing over my knuckle, and I take the cigarette out and flick it away. Those are not the words I wanted, not the ones I needed, not the ones he needs.

“I want to marry you someday, I’ve wanted to for years.”

You make this impossible, Eren. You say things like this, you let your lips ghost on my features, and you don’t lie about it.

“No, Eren.”

His eyes fall.

“Eren, I haven’t fallen in love.”

He stands up.

“I can’t fall in love, I never will fall in love, I will never be in love. I will never see you more than a slight romance, nothing more than someone to go to at night.”

His hands ball into fists.

“I don’t love you, Eren.”

And he hops down from the tree, walking away.

“But,” I breathe when I finally cannot hear the footsteps in the forest anymore, “Maybe I’m just too scared to.”

 


End file.
